Old Hats SpeakEasy Lounge

[alta]

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said 'How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way. The doctor told him, 'I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight, it should be okay next week. He took four tongue depressors, formed a neat little 4 sided splint and taped it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon. That night in the hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. She said, 'You're the first; no one has EVER touched these. 'He immediately drops his pants and replies, 'Look at this, still in the CRATE!'

[Mickstix]

 


Where is Old Hat anyway? Miss that old fucker!! 

[alta]

A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning. He said, "Today, in church, I am going to say a single word and you are going to help me preach. Whatever single word I say, I want you to sing whatever hymn that comes to your mind. "The pastor shouted out "CROSS". Immediately the congregation started singing in unison, "THE OLD RUGGED CROSS". The pastor hollered out "GRACE". The congregation began to sing "AMAZING GRACE, how sweet the sound". The pastor said, "POWER". The congregation sang "THERE IS POWER IN THE BLOOD". The Pastor said "SEX". The congregation fell into total silence. Everyone was in shock. They All nervously began to look around at each other, afraid to say anything. Then all of a sudden, way from in the back of the church, a little old 87-year-old grandmother stood up and began to sing "PRECIOUS MEMORIES".