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alta:
I was sitting at a long stop light yesterday, thinking about what I would do to keep busy during retirement, minding my own business and patiently waiting for the light to turn green. An old Nissan full of bearded, young, loud Islamic extremists shouting Anti-American slogans, with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car, and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America!" and took off before the light changed. Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler truck came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man . . .that could have been me!”
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
ArJunaZ:
--- Quote from: alta on Friday August 21, 2020, 01:07:34 PM Eastern ---I was sitting at a long stop light yesterday, thinking about what I would do to keep busy during retirement, minding my own business and patiently waiting for the light to turn green. An old Nissan full of bearded, young, loud Islamic extremists shouting Anti-American slogans, with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car, and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side, stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America!" and took off before the light changed. Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler truck came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "Man . . .that could have been me!”
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
--- End quote ---
:huh:
For real?
alta:
--- Quote from: ArJunaZ on Friday August 21, 2020, 07:20:57 PM Eastern --- :huh:
For real?
--- End quote ---
:lol:
alta:
A gas station owner in Arkansas was trying to increase his sales. So he put up a sign that read: "Free Sex with Fill-Up, just guess the right number between 1 and 10."
Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his Free Sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly he would get his Free Sex. The redneck guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry. No Free Sex this time."
A week later, the same redneck, along with his brother, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his Free Sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. The proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no Free Sex this time."
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his brother, "I think that game is rigged, and he doesn't really give away Free Sex." Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged. My wife won twice last week"
alta:
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's truck and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered he door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house".
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
But about six months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 6 months ago?""Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Well, um, yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything.
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